Forgive me Jesus,
For I have sinned
Don’t know how time passed,
Think time just gave in.
Pointing fingers and heartless convictions;
All of which make up this world,
Wash away the dirt on my hands,
The blood on my face;
A creature of your creation
And I’m a fucking disgrace.
To be honest Lord I don’t know what the fuck to do,
I just feel like running around
And screaming out
“Hey God, fuck you!”
Thanks a lot for the great life asshole
“What life?” Oh wait, was that your goal?
To have me walking about this house
Like my shadow’s the cat
And I’m the mouse?
I don’t think it’d matter if I screamed or shout,
Cause either way you’d never give up two seconds to hear me out!
It’s been the same since the beginning,
Back and forth
Up and down
Even worse so now that it’s the second time around.
But I’d never let you shoot up off two feet above the ground
My heart is beating so loud,
You don’t look so proud now.
And then turn your head to me and say
“Do you recognize that sound?”
I just cry,
Inside- I die
And wait for night to fall, so when you finally close your eyes
I can put my head inside my pillow and pull the covers over my head
And think of all the pain I hide
And really cry instead.
If I had one wish,
Do you want to know what it would be?
It’d be for you to smile once in a while
And proudly look at me.
In your iris you said
“There could be a home towards the edge”
Now I see myself reflected in them like mirrors,
And hear the echoes of what you’d said.
As your words come out on an ice cold breath,
I know that this moment is all I have left.
So I hold it so tight it breaks before it’s time,
Sink back into the couch cushions and sip upon my wine.
And I don’t want to do this,
No, not this time.
But it’s mine,
It’s the way I compose it that makes it fine.
As I see the while lights start to fade,
I know I’ll be alright but not okay,
I watch the skies shade to grey;
The death lights I once called faith.
I take a few seconds to collaborate;
All my thoughts,
All the mistakes,
All the tears turned into rage.
An old withered page with jotted down headaches
Heartaches, stomach-aches and toothaches.
Now the torment of your hands,
Standing here where I stand
Is like an earthquake.
I can’t shake off the bitter sense of reality.
No clarity is needed.
You may have won and succeeded.
I lost the war, drove in the nail.
Yeah I fucked up, screwed up and failed.
And I can’t keep breathing you,
Cause now I’m bleeding you
I fucking needed you!
But never once did you say you need me
Say you wanted me, only me!
You never grieved for me,
Or believed in me
Would you die for me?
Look at me…
Then I look at you,
And you’re fucking laughing
In yet still stay quiet;
Story of my fucking life;
Something goes bad when everything’s right
It’s an endless fight
Just to keep my head up and be polite,
Even to those who wouldn’t look at me twice.
It’s too late to salvage anything left from the ruins and rubble
Just take my pain,
And make it double.
My suicide note;
I never meant to cause you all the trouble
The words I write, soon wrote
As the letters shuffle.
Crack the shudders open for the last time I’ll see you in the light of day
A heart that is too far broken
Has finally run its race.
This world is too far gone for us,
But if tomorrow by chance of luck
I might build up the courage to jump or cut
And if that happens and I don’t survive
At least I won’t have to know if you cried
Or morn at all that I’m no longer here
Drink until you pass out in razor tears
I wouldn’t have to worry at all that you’ll leave
Or who the next person you love would be
Or hear that you fucked her
And just how quickly you got over me.
I wouldn’t wander if she’s sleeping on my side
If you’re saying the same things you said before
Or question if your love was a lie,
Cause I’ll be dead here on the floor.
Hear me whisper blisters
As the night fades from existence
And the person I once loved
Fades into the distance.
These words are not my first,
But tonight, they are my last
In this case it wasn’t possible
To just forget the past.